It's been a month and I haven't written anything. Not because I haven't wanted to but because my mind has been so overloaded with other things that there was no space left for any other 'thing'. Life is life, we all know that. It gets busy and messy. That's normal. And that's really all that happened. Nothing earth-shattering. Just, life.
But sometimes when 'life' happens for me and it makes my *mostly* controlled life go coo-coo for cocoa puffs, I lose my mind. I like being in control, I like having a plan, I like knowing what's going to happen. And the longer I feel out of control, the more I start feeling like I'm failing at everything. I'm dramatic so it's all or nothing for me people. And that happened this past month. (Don't worry, there's a happy ending.)
It doesn't really matter what caused me to feel out of control. I'm sure for some people it would have been nothing. What DOES matter is the happy ending, so lets keep moving towards that. I'm feeling like a failure, right? My children weren't getting as much attention from me. My Etsy shop was getting put on the back-burner to make room for other 'things' that needed to get done. Cold cereal was being consumed on a much higher level. My to-do list seemed to get longer with nothing ever getting crossed off. The positive, up-beat thoughts were getting replaced by thoughts of self-doubt and comparing of myself to other people. "So-and-so never gets tired of their kids you awful mom." "So-and-so's instagram posts clearly show they have things together unlike you." "At least so-and-so's kids have their hair combed and breakfast wiped off their faces." (Side note: These thoughts are ludicrous, I know. But can you honestly say you've never thought ANY of these things before or at least something similar?) It really all came down to this thought - you can't handle all this because you aren't good enough. As the weeks went on it got louder, it played more often in my head, and it got harder to tune out. Sadly, it's a thought that has plagued me my whole life and will no doubt continue to plague me.
However, I've learned enough from my life (and enough about myself) to know when the drama and self-doubt are taking control. Being a woman of faith, when times like this happen I turn to my Heavenly Father because when it comes down to it the only person I need to be 'good enough' for is Him. His opinion is the only one that matters to me when all is said and done.
Once I stopped trying to be Super Woman and turned to the Lord, the negative thoughts quieted and I was reminded of a book I read many years ago. It was given to me by my Mother who knew it was exactly what I needed at the time. It's called Better Than You Think You Are by Ardeth G. Kapp. The title of the book was all I needed to be reminded of. I'm doing better than I think I am. And so are you.
No comments:
Post a Comment